RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
