we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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