What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
