i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
