i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
