She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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