yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
