the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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