I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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