does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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