If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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