i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.