I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills