Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?