he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
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when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
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When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.