we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
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this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
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You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.