Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"