The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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