Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
operation harelip BJ is a go
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
