he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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