Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
