wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
