Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
