he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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