she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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