I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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