Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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