you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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