I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
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I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
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I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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