The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
