I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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