me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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