Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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