I have demons in me.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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