The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
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There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
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Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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