I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
