Non-Jews are for practice
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
