its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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