I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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