On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
