If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
