if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
