i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
