i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
this hospital has no fireball
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
