Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
