If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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