I just saw a hot homeless man
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
