my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
