dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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