I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
