FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
