i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
