the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
