and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
