I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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