I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize