K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
