do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
