Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
