You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
