After last night, I could never be a politician.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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