hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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