Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Alive.
So much puke
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
