i was born a porn star she said
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
