i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
