He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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