Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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