Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
