I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
