when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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