Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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