Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
