I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
