peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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