his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
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Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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