Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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