I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize